GETTING engaged is a deeply personal moment, and when you choose to share the big news is entirely up to you and your partner.
From how you announce it to where you do it, many couples like to take their time and think it through before making it public.
But one woman feels this opportunity was taken away from her after her future mother-in-law announced her engagement on Facebook before they had told anyone.
The woman, who has remained anonymous, called out both her mother-in-law and fiancé – only to now face pressure from her fiancé’s father to apologise.
Taking to the online forum Reddit’s Am I the A*****?* page, the 20-year-old explained that she had only just got engaged to her partner, also 20.
However, she shared that “within four hours” of calling each of their parents, her future mother-in-law had already posted an engagement announcement on social media.
In the post, she had even included personal photos that the couple had only shared with her in the excitement of the moment.
She wrote: “This was distressing to my fiancé and I as we were calling friends and family to tell them AND waiting for some professional pictures from our photographer before announcing publicly.
“We were also under the impression this was proper etiquette / social understanding to not announce big things (engagement, wedding, babies, etc) ahead of the couple.”
The woman said her fiancé “decided to call his mother and express his discontentment” with her actions.
She explained that it was an “emotional conversation” in which her future mother-in-law became “quite defensive” – but ultimately took the post down.
[bc_video account_id=”5067014667001″ application_id=”” aspect_ratio=”16:9″ autoplay=”” caption=”MAFS’ Shona hits back at trolls who branded her promise ring ‘pointless’ after reunion ‘proposal'” embed=”in-page” experience_id=”” height=”100%” language_detection=”” max_height=”360px” max_width=”640px” min_width=”0px” mute=”” padding_top=”56%” picture_in_picture=”” player_id=”default” playlist_id=”” playsinline=”” sizing=”responsive” video_id=”6369384415112″ video_ids=”” width=”640px”]She continued: “We got the photos from the photographer [in] the next day or so and decided to share (since we’d finally made all our rounds).”
After posting them on Facebook, her fiancé’s mum then shared the new set of photos but added the caption: “If they’ll forgive me, I’m excited…” – which the couple found unsettling.
The anonymous woman added: “My family and our mutual friends thought it was odd and kind of self-centred to share our engagement announcement like that.”
Her fiancé called his mum again to clarify that they didn’t want “any conflict” over their engagement, but he believed people would question her caption.
[quote credit=”The anonymous woman”]His father stepped in and essentially said she didn’t mean harm and that my fiancé should apologise for upsetting his mother[/quote]However, this only made things “heated,” and the mother-in-law reacted by saying she wouldn’t share anything about the couple any more.
She continued: “His father stepped in and essentially said she didn’t mean harm and that my fiancé should apologise for upsetting his mother.
“My fiancé explained that he didn’t feel like he was wrong and that he did not overreact.”
Many people shared their thoughts in the comments.
One user wrote: “If you don’t tell your family that something is [supposed] to be quiet, they will talk about it and post about it. This just seems like a communication issue.
“The MIL [mother-in-law] didn’t do anything wrong because OP didn’t tell them to keep it quiet…
“People can’t read other people’s minds.”
Another added: “Social media has only been around for 15 years.
“That’s really not enough time for common etiquette or for an older generation to know how to handle it, as this isn’t something that they dealt with when they were getting married.”
A third commented: “NTA. You’re never wrong for telling someone how something they did made you feel.
“I get she was excited the first time but the caption when she reposted the professional photos was intentionally petty & she doesn’t get a pass for being bitter & spiteful.”