AS Ashley James posted pics onto her social media, enjoying a sun-soaked trip and wearing nothing but a bikini, the mum-shamers were loading their ammunition.
She’d gone away without the kids.
But defiantly, Ashley couldn’t give a monkeys.
“It’s interesting because it’s the first time I’ve been away from the kids for that long,” the 38-year-old says.
“Of course I missed them.
“I loved being able to have a slow morning before starting work, I loved the silence, I loved not having to finish work half way through to pick them up.”
If fact, it wasn’t the mum-shaming that got to her – if anything she’s got used to it since having son, Alfie, four years ago – it was the double standards she faced.
Ashley says: “What I found interesting was that Tom goes away every year for a week abroad and there’s never any commentary.
“No one even asks him who’s looking after the kids and then, yeah, when I did it I felt there was a bit more judgment.”
There certainly was.
One poster wrote: “This pretty much sums up what’s wrong with the modern generation – abandons her children to selfishly indulge and brags about it like she’s being brave!”
But another countered with: “Beautiful Ashley. 100% with you. Hope you have enjoyed it and feel recharged.”
[bc_video account_id=”5067014667001″ application_id=”” aspect_ratio=”16:9″ autoplay=”” caption=”My 30GG boobs have wrecked my life since I was 14 – I even got detention for hugging my BROTHER, says Ashley James” embed=”in-page” experience_id=”” height=”100%” language_detection=”” max_height=”360px” max_width=”640px” min_width=”0px” mute=”” padding_top=”56%” picture_in_picture=”” player_id=”default” playlist_id=”” playsinline=”” sizing=”responsive” video_id=”6368048306112″ video_ids=”” width=”640px”]Ashley has been with her partner Tommy Andrews, who works in tech, for more than five years.
Their son Alfie is four, their daughter Ada is two.
Her calm, softly spoken manner belies an ongoing rebellion against the world and what she sees as unjust to women.
As we chat to her over Zoom, where she is wearing a powder blue Gap sweatshirt and little, if any make-up, we can’t help but sense the pictures of her in her bikinis in Mexico are also making a point.
Teen shame
As a teenager, Ashley had to put up with a lot of unwelcome attention because of her 30GG bust.
“Women are chastised for their clothing and bodies and especially me having big boobs as a teenager,” she says.
“I felt it was really unfair that my teen body was sexualised yet men can go around with no tops on and one one questions them.”
She adds: “I feel annoyed because whether I was 13 or 35 years old and breastfeeding there’s always been this same sort of narrative that I should feel ashamed of my body, I should cover up my body like it’s wrong, that I’m attention seeking, that if you don’t want attention then cover up.
“Men don’t face that scrutiny. Men aren’t told to cover up if they want women to respect them. I don’t feel embarrassed about my body.”
Act of defiance
So Ashley confronts her critics by refusing to hide her bust away.
The Made In Chelsea star poses in bras on Instagram and isn’t afraid to put her cleavage on show.
A lilac suit she wore on This Morning last year which hinted at her cleavage created more fuss than it probably deserved.
In the past, Ashley has gone to great lengths to be super slim. She believes now her obsession with weight was misguided.
Alongside a picture of her looking ultra slim in a bikini she wrote recently: “I was praised here, when really I was suffering from body dysmorphia.
“Wasting so much brain power thinking about food. Tired and hungry. Not having periods. Exercising as a punishment.”
[quote credit=”Ashley James ” credit-meta=”38″]“I want every woman not to think they have to shrink themselves to be valuable.”[/quote]Now she says she is comfortable in her post-natal body – she’s proud of her curves.
“Bodies are meant to fluctuate,” she says.
“Our bodies go through seasons, we shouldn’t be harsh on ourselves any more. I don’t get tied up in numbers any more, I don’t care what size clothes I’m wearing, I don’t weigh myself. What does the number mean?”
Fat-jab fears
Despite this Ashley still says she feels sad about the current craze for Ozempic weight loss injections.
The TV host reveals: “I feel like I don’t want to get drawn into cases as to why people take Ozempic but I think as a society it feels really sad and we seem to have taken steps backwards.
“We’re idolising thinness and skinniness again and we should all be made to feel empowered and comfortable with our bodies.”
“Our bodies shouldn’t be trends.
“I don’t want my daughter to grow up in a world where she feels like she has to have an injection to be a shrunken version of herself.
“I don’t think injections are the answer.
“I want every woman not to think they have to shrink themselves to be valuable.”
Mum life
Ashley and Tommy recently moved from Essex to Battersea, South London, with Alfie and Ada.
She says, despite the mini furore over her trip to Mexico, their lives revolve around the children.
“For us we feel your life goes through stages. Your relationships are never gonna stay the same.
“Now it’s like, are you taking to school, or am I? We love and respect each other. There will be a time for us again.
“It was great for Tommy to have that one to one time with the kids {when Ashley was in Mexico} and know that he can do that as well.”
Ashley says they’re not planning to have more children, saying: “We feel very lucky to have two very healthy, happy children. Our family feels very complete.”
It was reported in 2023 that Tommy was considering a vasectomy but Ashley says today she “doesn’t know where that came from”.
Ashley says she continues to deal with problems caused by her “traumatic” first birth when she received no pain relief and was, she says, stitched up incorrectly.
“I’ve been dealing with things like piles and prolapse,” she says.
“I was stitched up incorrectly. I’m looking at having some sort of surgery in the future to correct that.”
Ashley is focused on health and fitness and has become involved in a campaign with Active Iron to raise awareness around heavier periods and menstrual fatigue.
Research by Active Irons found that 79% of women feel exhausted or tired during heavier periods.
Ashley is one of those women.
“About six weeks ago I went for a full body MOT and the results came back and said I was lower in iron,” she says.
“The only way I can describe it is lethargic and fatigue as though lead is on top of me.
“Even if I’ve had a good night’s sleep constantly I’d feel constantly exhausted and I think I got so used to feeling that way.
“When I found out I was lower in iron it made sense when I found out about menstrual fatigue.
“I started taking them about four weeks ago,I feel better. It was empowering to know there was quite an easy fix. I’m taking the ones specifically for heavier periods.”
After her health battles, Ashley is feeling good.
The holiday in Mexico no doubt helped.
Active Iron is calling on women to speak up about menstrual fatigue. Learn more about your menstrual cycle and find support at activeiron.com/uk