THE DATA paints a bleak picture that’s far from the fairytale ending we all hope for.
Across the UK, almost half of marriages end with the partners walking their separate ways – and according to experts, this is especially common for those with kids.
Relationship expert and author Dr Morgan Cutlip explained how not taking care of yourself as a mother, a wife – and more importantly, the person within you – could have a negative impact on your marriage.
Chatting to hosts Lauryn Evarts Bosstick and Michael Bosstick on The Skinny Confidential podcast, Dr Morgan revealed why you should never wait too long when you feel burnt out.
A burnout doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be chronically fatigued, as the expert explained.
Dr Morgan said: ”There’s the cognitive – it’s almost like you lack some space in your brain to manage the stuff.
”And then there’s the emotional, which is you cannot seem to manage your emotions cause you don’t have as much capacity.”
The third element of a burnout – which can also happen at your workplace – is the physical aspect.
Dr Morgan added: ”A lot of our emotional and mental state will come out in our physical body.
“It’ll start showing up on your back, it will start showing up in your gut and all these other areas.”
Nipping signs of burnout in the bud early is vital – not just for your wellbeing, but also the relationships around you, including marriage and family life.
According to Dr Morgan, ”you have to become a really good manager of yourself”.
[bc_video account_id=”5067014667001″ application_id=”” aspect_ratio=”16:9″ autoplay=”” caption=”How to cope with burnout at each age ” embed=”in-page” experience_id=”” height=”100%” language_detection=”” max_height=”360px” max_width=”640px” min_width=”0px” mute=”” padding_top=”56%” picture_in_picture=”” player_id=”default” playlist_id=”” playsinline=”” sizing=”responsive” video_id=”6355655145112″ video_ids=”” width=”640px”]”Because we tend to just go so hard into our motherhood, our work.
“Women specifically are so socialised to sacrifice themselves for the preservation of their relationships.”
Although it may seem like a luxury if you have kids running around, remember to give yourself some “me” time, whether that’s a slow coffee in the morning or exercising even for just ten minutes.
Feel like you’ve got dozens of text messages to get back to? Unless it’s something really important, the expert advised to reply when and if you can.
Host Lauren chimed in: ”Some text messages that I have right now haven’t been returned for two months.
”It’s not that I’m going out of my way to not return them. I just, like you said, have only so much capacity in one day.
”And my kids, my husband, my work comes number one – I can get to it when I can get to it.”
Once you’re aware of your capacity and you can make adjustments, Dr Morgan said, you can show up in your relationships ”as more of a whole person”.
The doc added: ”For women, this whole concept of self-sacrificing for everyone else completely backfires.
”We do it in a way to sort of care for people we love the most […] – and then we end up being the worst versions of ourselves,” she told the hosts.
”We get grouchy, we lose our cool, we get resentful towards our partners.”
The episode, shared on Spotify, also saw the hosts and the expert chat about the importance of having your partner help you with the kids and around the house.
Dr Morgan, who’s been in the relationship field for more than two decades, explained her personal problems after giving birth to her daughter – and dealing with the parenthood on her own.
She shared: ”I just remember being like ‘I love you – but I don’t really like you right now. Any why am I doing everything?”’
Lauren added: ”I can honestly say – if Michael didn’t help me 50%, I don’t know if I would want to be married with kids.
Letting go
”It’s really hard when you’re doing it all on your own, I can totally see how women get resentful – especially if they’re working and bringing in half the income.
”Because if a guy can’t even change a diaper… I mean, I have friends who are like ‘My husband won’t change a diaper, he won’t make a bottle’ – that would be a huge problem for me.”
Dr Morgan said: ”I think a lot of new mums struggle to let go of the reigns a little bit for whatever reason – hormones, just a change.
”And so, they don’t involve their partners in the beginning – and then their partners don’t jump in enough.
”And then they [the mums] end up being the one carrying all that stuff.”
Although you may now have a role as a parent, it’s also essential to not forget that you are romantic partners – whether that means going on dates, spending alone time together or putting on that sexy piece of lingerie that’s been sitting forgotten for years.