BLINKING into the darkness, I pulled my sleep mask off as my mobile beeped furiously with messages from my boss.
It was 4.30am.
Even though I wasn’t working that day – I opened my laptop and made a start on the work she needed, desperately hoping to make a dent in it before the school run.
This was the start of an average day for me, all thanks to my toxic Gen Z boss.
It was around two years ago when this woman, then 27, first took against me.
To the outside world, it looked like I’d got life nailed. I had two gorgeous daughters aged 11 and five and was living with my partner of 25 years in a leafy suburb just outside London.
And at the age of 49, I’d got a new job in a dynamic, young marketing company in central London.
From the outside, things looked rosy.
But in reality, I was being pushed over the edge by a maniac – my workaholic boss who was destroying my health and my ability to parent.
I’d been out of the typical workplace for a while, having taken career breaks to raise my family, write a book and launch a podcast. But I had high hopes for the job.
During my interview, my boss was charming and I admired her – she was clearly ambitious. She even made a point of saying she had an interest in representing women my age.
Initially, the fast pace felt like a fun challenge.
[bc_video account_id=”5067014667001″ application_id=”” aspect_ratio=”16:9″ autoplay=”” caption=”How to cope with anxiety – a relaxation technique” embed=”in-page” experience_id=”” height=”100%” language_detection=”” max_height=”360px” max_width=”640px” min_width=”0px” mute=”” padding_top=”56%” picture_in_picture=”” player_id=”default” playlist_id=”” playsinline=”” sizing=”responsive” video_id=”6351739714112″ video_ids=”” width=”640px”]As a Gen X woman going into an office of Gen Z-ers it can be tricky to learn a lot of new stuff, but I quickly adapted.
I even took my older daughter, then nine, into the office for a quick visit, which made me feel good as I’ve always wanted my kids to see their mum at work.
But around three months in, my boss’s attitude sharply changed.
It started with eye-rolling when I spoke in meetings, then she would also speak over me, making me feel irrelevant.
I also noticed she made sure I was never invited to lunches or team nights out.
My hours had no start or end time and she made me pull together a spreadsheet, where she humiliatingly broke down each hour of my day and made me log what I was doing to see if I could do more.
She’d call meetings and if I was two minutes late she’d scold me, which was embarrassing and hypocritical as she rocked up late all the time.
She also used to publicly shame me on a group messaging app if I hadn’t delivered something she asked for at the last minute.
[quote]Soon, my boss’s behaviour even started affecting my parenting, as I could feel the stress at work was making me more irritated with my kids[/quote]I was in my late 40s and like many women, I was starting to go through the menopause.
My symptoms were manageable, but she would know when I was struggling with a hot flush or felt overwhelmed and would take it as an opportunity to ask me to do more for her.
The Fawcett Society recently found that a one in 10 women who work during menopause are forced to quit. Double that – 23 per cent – have considered leaving.
Given my experience, this does sadly, not surprise me.
Soon, my boss’s behaviour even started affecting my parenting, as I could feel the stress at work was making me more irritated with my kids.
I would be less present with them at weekends and after school as I was constantly checking my phone, scared of missing emails that my boss would blow up about later.
‘Felt resentful’
There was a horrible moment nine months into my job when I remember standing in the hall shouting at my older daughter over an issue with her PE kit.
Afterwards, I felt awful that I’d lost my temper. I wasn’t the mother I wanted to be and felt completely out of control.
[quote]I was spending all my time hunched over my phone[/quote]My relationship with my partner was also impacted.
He worked at a school and while his job was also stressful, I felt resentful that he wasn’t having the extreme issues with his boss that I was.
I would often snap at him for no reason and blamed him for the fact that I was the main earner and having to go to a job I hated each day.
I had always loved running, but stopped going as I simply couldn’t fit it in with parenting and all the work hours I was putting in.
I was spending all my time hunched over my phone. I looked awful and gained a stone in weight over a nine month period due to comfort eating.
Worryingly, my boss was pecking away at my confidence almost without me realising, making belittling comments like: “You’re easily overwhelmed.”
It was clear that she saw me as old and weak.
And I am not alone in finding it a nightmare when younger women, particularly what people label the TikTok generation, treat us mature workers like idiots.
Looking back, I cannot believe I accepted these micro aggressions from an upstart who thought she was better than me, simply because she knew the latest 17-stage skincare routine on TikTok.
I tried to speak to her, but she would dismiss me and say that I needed to try harder.
Other colleagues seemed to be too scared to speak out about the way she was treating me.
I’m passionate about older women standing up for themselves, but I can see how you quickly become downtrodden.
[quote]It was so ridiculous that I just handed in my notice to HR[/quote]I felt depressed which made my menopause symptoms worse – I had insomnia and that heaped on even more anxiety.
I finally reached breaking point when I was tasked with setting up social media campaigns with over 30 different influencers in a stupidly short amount of time.
It was so ridiculous that I just handed in my notice to HR.
My boss didn’t even acknowledge it, instead making me undertake huge amounts of work as I slogged through my miserable three-month notice period.
I felt instant relief when I left. There is simply no way that a woman with 30 plus years’ experience in the workplace should be made to feel on the scrap heap.
‘Unstoppable’
Unfortunately this boss was not alone in her bullying behaviour.
Over the past six years, I’ve experienced a manager that interviewed me for a role even though they had no intention of hiring me and were clearly just fulfilling requirements to consider ‘mature age’ candidates.
Another boss told me they wanted me to work for them – then promptly ghosted me.
At another company, a senior management team announced their promotions on social media the day I was made redundant.
Was I unlucky to have had these experiences?
You’d think so, but the answer is no, when I’ve spoken to friends my age I discovered that everyone was having similar hellscapes with younger bosses who were certainly not doing their bit for the sisterhood.
We are all more au fait with mental health terminology these days and a lot of what we have experienced is what could be classed as ‘narcissistic behaviours.’
While the government created its Menopause Promise in 2021, encouraging employers to offer access to support to those experiencing menopause or perimenopause, sadly there are far too many ambitious young bosses who are not doing their bit and women like me are calling time on their careers.
I’m now freelancing as a writer and refuse to go back into a toxic environment. My symptoms have improved and I’ve got better at looking after myself.
If you find yourself at the mercy of an unreasonable Gen Z boss, find refuge in family and friends.
Mine helped me by reassuring me of my strengths and also reminding me that the way I was being treated had nothing to do with how capable I was.
Looking back, I feel so angry that my ex-boss affected me so much, but I have gradually rebuilt my confidence. Now I feel unstoppable.