A MUM-of-two diagnosed with terminal breast cancer after her second round of IVF has written cards for both of her children until they turn 90.
Rosie Hawkins wanted to give son Jonathan, six, and daughter Freya, one, letters to remember her by right into old age.
So she set about creating a memory box filled with birthday cards for every year until they each turn 21, and then a card each every 10 years until they reach their 10th decade.
Upon her death, each will also be given birthday presents for every year of their childhoods and cards when they get married, have children, or buy their first homes.
Jonathan even has one for changing career and his engagement, should he choose to marry.
Rosie, 38, needed IVF after suffering a burst appendix in her 20s which left her struggling with infertility.
She had the first round to conceive Jonathan in 2018 and the second in 2023 to fall pregnant with Freya.
But at 34 weeks she discovered a large lump in her breasts, and at 37 weeks doctors confirmed it was fast-growing stage 4 triple positive breast cancer.
She was induced the next day and four days later began a series of scans which showed it had also spread to her liver and was incurable.
“When you are diagnosed they tell you it’s terminal and it is absolutely hopeless, essentially,” Rosie, of Leeds, West Yorkshire, said.
“They said they may be able to give me some quality of life, but you really get nothing hopeful to latch onto.
“They start using very jarring terms, like palliative care, and they absolutely tell you you could be dead tomorrow.
[bc_video account_id=”5067014667001″ application_id=”” aspect_ratio=”16:9″ autoplay=”” caption=”A tiny lump in my breast nearly killed me at just 31 – I felt ‘amazingly healthy'” embed=”in-page” experience_id=”” height=”100%” language_detection=”” max_height=”360px” max_width=”640px” min_width=”0px” mute=”” padding_top=”56%” picture_in_picture=”” player_id=”default” playlist_id=”” playsinline=”” sizing=”responsive” video_id=”6367083533112″ video_ids=”” width=”640px”]“It was particularly difficult for me because I felt normal and I had a brand new baby.”
Rosie started her first round of intravenous chemotherapy after three weeks.
When that failed after a year, she was given the news that she qualified for Enhertu, a drug that can give terminal breast cancer patients more time with their families.
Doctors can’t tell her whether she will be alive in five years or dead next week.
It was then she began to think about how she wanted to be remembered by her children after her death and the letters sprang to mind – some hope among the sadness.
Rosie, who works for a debt charity, was fully supported by husband Andy, a sound engineer, who will make sure the cards are delivered to their kids.
[quote credit=”Rosie Hawkins”]It’s not about going into a hospice or beating cancer, there’s an area in the middle that’s bloody hard work and very underappreciated[/quote]“The past felt pointless, the present was a slog and the future felt very uncertain, but I really wanted to have an input into their lives,” she said.
“I always wanted them to know that I put in a lot of effort to give them a good childhood, even if they don’t remember me.
“Potentially it might be hard for them, opening things from their dead mum, but it’s going to be a fact of life for them that I’m not here.
“Some people wonder if their parents care about them, well my kids will always know that I cared about them so much.
“Most people don’t have cards from their parents all the way through their lifetime, so that feels special.
“I write all the amazing things we’ve done together that year in the card and keep it for them.”
Rosie’s desperate plea
Rosie says she is certain that although IVF may not have given her the cancer it certainly accelerated it, leaving her with fewer treatment options.
Triple-positive breast cancer occurs when breast cancer cells use oestrogen and progesterone receptors to grow.
Often hormones are given during IVF as part of the treatment regime to improve the chances of success.
Rosie believes women should be better educated about the risks of assisted reproductive technologies when it comes to cancers.
She also says society as a whole should be more aware of the grey area that those who are terminally ill but not yet sick enough to die are forced to live in.
She found charity Mummy’s Star, which supports those who are given a cancer diagnosis during or shortly after pregnancy, and said it helped to speak to others who had been through the same thing.
“There are people living with terminal illnesses in a lot of adversity,” Rosie said.
“It’s not about going into a hospice or beating cancer, there’s an area in the middle that’s bloody hard work and very underappreciated.”
