DEAR DEIDRE: HOW do I go about telling my eight-year-old son that his daddy isn’t his biological father?
I got pregnant at 17 and the guy I was with never believed that our baby was his. He thought I slept around but that was not my style. I’d only ever had sex with him.
His mother is a lovely lady and she wanted to meet my son and was a true grandma to him until I moved away. I met another man when I was 21 and I married him.
We have two little girls now but our marriage didn’t work. My son has always thought of this man as his dad and we’ve never said anything to change that.
He was recently sent home from school for up-ending a table in class. It’s not like him before. His teacher knows that we’ve had a difficult few months since his ‘daddy’ left.
She suggested that my ex has been playing mind games with him because of some of the comments my son had made.
[authenticated-scripts src=”%3Cscript%20type%3D%22text%2Fjavascript%22%20src%3D%22https%3A%2F%2Fthesun.formstack.com%2Fforms%2Fjs.php%2Fdear_deidre_problem%22%3E%3C%2Fscript%3E%3Cnoscript%3E%3Ca%20href%3D%22https%3A%2F%2Fthesun.formstack.com%2Fforms%2Fdear_deidre_problem%22%20title%3D%22Online%20Form%22%3EOnline%20Form%20-%20Dear%20Deidre%3C%2Fa%3E%3C%2Fnoscript%3E%0A” type=”embedded” width=”100″ /]I feel he needs to know the truth about his dad but I don’t want him to feel unloved or unwanted. Where do I start?
I’ve written to his grandmother and I hope she’ll want to see him and perhaps even his real dad, but there’s no guarantee after so long.
[read-more title=”MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE” article_ids=”32878548,32878410″ shortcode_id=”9be79588-14bf-4dd6-8fa7-bd2645860431″ /]DEIDRE SAYS: Your son has already had enough loss to cope with.
Don’t build his hopes up about meeting a different father or new grandmother until you are sure this won’t be a flash in the pan. Meet them on your own first to find out.
If your ex is to continue seeing your son, make sure you are present to avoid any more confusing messaging for your son.
Speak to Family Lives (familylives.org.uk, 0808 800 2222) about how best to handle contact.
You have a lot going on in your family now, so it may be wise to wait for a little stability until you start explaining about his father.