DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my young daughter saw photos of her dad – my ex – with a new woman, she felt betrayed and hurt.
His response was to cancel her visit for Christmas, which hurt her even more. I really want to help repair their relationship, but he won’t communicate with me.
I’m 46 and my ex husband is 48. Our daughter is 13.
We went through a horrible divorce just over a year ago, which our daughter found very distressing.
He moved to a flat nearby.
She had been a real daddy’s girl, and for a while she blamed me for the break-up.
[authenticated-scripts src=”%3Cscript%20type%3D%22text%2Fjavascript%22%20src%3D%22https%3A%2F%2Fthesun.formstack.com%2Fforms%2Fjs.php%2Fdear_deidre_problem%22%3E%3C%2Fscript%3E%3Cnoscript%3E%3Ca%20href%3D%22https%3A%2F%2Fthesun.formstack.com%2Fforms%2Fdear_deidre_problem%22%20title%3D%22Online%20Form%22%3EOnline%20Form%20-%20Dear%20Deidre%3C%2Fa%3E%3C%2Fnoscript%3E%0A” type=”embedded” width=”100″ /]Then things calmed down.
But just before Christmas, she was at his when she asked if she could play a game on his phone.
She must have looked at his photos because she came across several showing him hugging and kissing a strange woman.
He had to admit he had a new girlfriend, who he’d been with for months. She was devastated and played up – as teenage girls do.
I think she was hoping we’d get back together one day.
Instead of reassuring her that he would still put her first, and make her feel secure, my ex told her to grow up and accept he’d moved on.
When she refused to meet his new partner, he said she couldn’t come over Christmas.
Now our daughter feels like her dad doesn’t love her. They’re not talking.
I want to help but he doesn’t speak to me. In fact, he’s blocked me.
What can I do?
[read-more title=”MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE” article_ids=”32706533,32614788″ shortcode_id=”69120fc0-b2ee-4a45-9aad-c5b69eb13ceb” /]DEIDRE SAYS: What an upsetting way for your daughter to find out about her dad’s new partner.
And then for him to cancel her Christmas with him – no wonder she is deeply hurt.
He’s behaving more like a child than she is.
In the meantime, give her lots of love and affection and keep telling her that her dad does love her too, but probably feels guilty about the way she found out.
Could you write a letter to him suggesting that with a little reassurance from him she will start to feel more settled and suggest they meet for a hot chocolate or go to the cinema to break the ice?
My support pack, When Parents Fall Out, might be useful for you to read as it talks about children’s feelings in these situations.